Village Waste

by Andrew Benson

1 Nice Day for it

4:30 am on a crisp winter morning, just another day in the life of Dave Black a forty-two year old truck driver for British Nuclear Fuels Limited, Cumbria Division, and divorced father of two.

“Oh well another day another dollar,” Yawned Dave as he locked his car and headed towards the security gate.

He entered the transport office, smiled and waved at the CCTV camera and mouthed the words “good morning” to the security men.

“Right then lets have a look at the game plan for today, oh great trailer NW0013, that’s not a good start to the day, ah well, it can only get better,” Dave said out loud.

Dave took the keys for Unit34 of the key rack, and headed out to the truck park, and did his usual walk around the truck, checking tyres and oil before starting the engine and checking the lights, then driving over to the loading bays.

He drove slowly along the front of the trailers parked in the loading bays, until he spotted trailer number NW0013.

He drove slightly past and reversed on to the trailer, until he heard the clank of the king pin as it locked in to the fifth wheel, selected first gear and tried to move forward.

The exhaust growled as the cab rose up under the strain of fifty odd tons of dead weight.

“Yep that’s locked on, old girl,” He chuckled as he patted the top of the dashboard, before jumping out and winding the landing legs up, and checking the trailer light too.

“Right number 13, I don’t want any trouble from you today OK,” He said as he ran his hand down the side of the trailer.

Dave climbed back in the truck and drove to the exit gates.

He nodded to the security guards as he approached the gates.

“Morning lads, did you have a good night?”

“Fine thanks Dave; we actually caught some action on the CCTV just after twelve”

“Oh aye and what was that then Bill,” Dave replied as he winked.

Fred grinned and laughed like a dirty old man, “It was a right show, a young couple parked up just round the corner from gate six, in full view of the cameras.”

“Oh aye sounds a bit hot,” Laughed Dave.

“Any hotter and the whole plant would of gone into melt down,” Replied Bill looking like a school boy with his first Playboy mag.

“What are you lads like eh, come on Bill open the gate and let me go get rid of this mobile nuke.”

Dave waved goodbye and headed out onto the main road, twenty-five tons of class one nuclear waste buried deep inside a twenty ton canister on the back of his truck. He had been doing this job for fifteen years now, although sometimes wished he was back on the continental routes he did in his youth, but he knew he would never make the same sort of money that this job paid.

He thought back to when he first started the job, the high security and the compulsory training days, on how to deal with a non-biodegradable nuclear waste product, should you have a leak or an accident.

Fifteen years on and it was all bullshit, security never checked his paper work and he hadn’t been near a training day for five years, even the canisters weren’t getting the safety checks anymore, he couldn’t even remember the last time he had a police escort, ah well its only radio active waste what could go wrong.

He often joked with the lads in the pub that he doesn’t need a light on at night anymore, as he gives off a green glow.

He grabbed a low gear to begin the long climb up onto the moors and catching his final glimpse of the power stations floodlights in his mirrors, see you in five hours lads.

As he approached the second of the tight hairpin bends out of the five on the hill, he noticed that the air pressure in his main tanks was a bit low, have to keep an eye on that, at least the auxiliaries are fine though.

Dave knew it wasn’t unusual to loose air pressure when it’s below freezing.

just a bit of ice in the tanks, oh I wish I could have one of the new motors that them lads on days got, heated tanks, electric windows, air conditioning, the lucky bastards, they want to try these bloody dinosaurs that we have, oh well that’s the price you pay for an extra fifty quid a shift, besides I like the quite roads no traffic to cock up your trip, just get there unload and come back, five hours twenty-two minutes and one hundred and eighty quid in the bank, that’ll do nicely thank you.

Dave also knew that even if he had to drive a forty year old truck, he would still do the job, he didn’t love it but he loved the money, five shifts a week, nine hundred quid, how many other truckers bought a new jaguar every two years and had a holiday villa in Spain, well OK he used to have a holiday villa in Spain, that now belongs to his ex, Dave just makes the payments.

Oh yeah he loved the money, almost as much as he loved his kids, that’s something else his ex had, the kids, every time he wanted to see them she would make some excuse, then when he tells her which shift he’s working, she would say `Oh that’s a pity because you could have had them over then, yeah Dave knew she was taking the piss out of him but he sure as hell wasn’t going to start a battle that would affect the kids.

He rounded the last bend leading onto the moors, and sighed with relief, that bloody hill, eighteen bends and sixty-four gear changes it’s enough to give you a hernia.

At that moment the ice warning light flashed at him, right well I best keep my speed down a bit, don’t fancy doing a Torvil and Dean down into the village.

A few minutes later and the radio crackled into life,

“Unit 34, come in please.”

Dave grabbed the mike off the dash, “Yeah John what’s up mate.”

“There’s been a bad accident on the bypass near Kendal, your going to have to go through the back roads, oh and watch your speed there’s a lot of ice about.”

Dave stared at the radio in disbelief for a few seconds before replying, “You mean you want me to take twenty-five tons of class-one nuclear waste through a quite little village, have you sorted it with the police, do they know the change of route?”

“Look, just take the back roads, it’ll be fine, I’ll notify the police OK, stop panicking.”

“Yeah OK I’ll take the back road, but don’t blame me when the Daily Mail runs a picture with the story, nuclear waste in the gardens of England.”

John laughed “Yeah well just smile for the camera, we don’t want them thinking your not happy with the job.”

“Happy I’m more than happy I’m delirious or maybe that’s what the radiation poisoning does to me”

Dave hung up the mike and couldn’t help imagining his picture all over the news, as the man responsible for destroying the tranquillity of the English countryside; well we all get our fifteen minutes of fame eh.

Dave turned off the main road and nervously began the four mile decent down to the village, he wasn’t happy about this at all, having used this road before, but only in the summer, he knew with the threat of ice, the narrow roads and an old truck without ABS braking he was in for a long and scary morning.

By the time he had reached the first bend he was down to less than ten miles an hour, every time he touched the brakes he could feel the trailer brakes lock up.

“THIS IS NOT MY BLOODY IDEA OF FUN,” He shouted as he wiped the sweat from his brow.

“CURSE YOU JOHN, I SHOULD HAVE BLOODY IGNORED IT”

Three bends down and Dave spotted a set of headlights coming towards him, “OH SHIT, just what I wanted, well I hope you like grass mate, because there’s no way that I’m moving over.”

He then realised it was a milk tanker coming towards him, and knew he would have to move over.

He dropped it down into first, to minimise the risk of jack knifing, and very gently applied the brakes and moved over to the nearside, edging his nearside wheels carefully on to the grass, before he came to a stop just before the next bend. Opened his window and folded his mirror in towards the cab, to allow as much room as he could.

He watched the milk tanker come around the bend, the nearside drive wheels spinning and fighting for grip on the ice, the driver frantically trying to find the right balance between speed and traction.

As the tanker passed by the driver shouted, “I hope you kissed your wife goodbye this morning, it’s bloody deadly down there.”

Dave chuckled to himself; yeah I kissed her goodbye three years ago, when she left with the kids.

Dave decided to get out and have a pee before carrying on, because he had a nasty feeling he would wet himself otherwise.

He stood between the cab and trailer thinking as he peed, why do I do this job, oh yeah I know the money, well who needs money, I really should quit.

“Oh god I just peed on my bloody foot now, the day just keeps getting better.”

Dave climbed back in the cab and just sat there, he really didn’t like the look of the bends ahead at all, there was something telling him not to carry on.

He thought about the night before when his brother had tried to convince him to skive work, he had wanted to take him to London for a couple of days, see the sights, get drunk, maybe even get lucky with some ladies.

Dave had spent two hours trying to convince him self to go, but the thought of spending two nights sharing a room with a guy that could snore for the country kept putting him off.

Alan, Dave’s brother had been bugging him to go for months, and then when he turned up last night with two first-class train tickets, he nearly gave in.

“I SHOULD HAVE BLOODY GONE.”

Dave looked at the bend ahead; he saw the streetlights in the village below twinkling and shining on the frost, just like a scene from a Christmas card.

Well there are probably worst places to die.

“I’m going to have to go now, because it will be getting light shortly, I don’t want to drive through there in daylight, and there would be at least a hundred phone calls complaining by the time I get back to the station.”

He took a deep breath and shoved it into first gear, slowly released the parking brake and gripped the steering wheel like his life depended on it.

“Well here goes nothing.”

The truck moved slowly off the grass, Dave kept his foot over the brake and off the accelerator, as he came to the bend he felt the steering getting lighter, he started to turn, but nothing happened.

He was about to press the brake when the tyres found some grip, the cab lurched to the left and the truck began to turn.

Dave sighed in relief, “That wasn’t bad, only another ten bends and I can relax again.”

Eight bends later and Dave started to smile, he looked at his watch it was seven am.

“Were the hell did all the time go, I should be at the discharge station now.”

He noticed a lot of movement in the village, people off to work, milkman on his rounds.

“Oh well can’t be helped now.”

As he got half way around the last bend the radio startled him,

“Unit 34 Dave stop your truck now, repeat stop don’t go any further.”

Dave nearly grabbed for the mike but thought better of it,

“I’ve made it this far down I’m not stopping until I get off this bloody hill.”

As Dave began to turn for the last bend that would lead him the final six hundreds yards into the village, the voice on the radio shouted at him.

“UNIT 34 COME IN NOW, DAVE YOU HAVE TO STOP THE TRUCK NOW, DON’T GO ANY FURTHER, REPEAT STOP THE TRUCK NOW.”

Dave pulled into the village square and parked up outside the greengrocers, before answering the radio.

“Well on your head be it, but don’t blame me for the bad press John.”

“Where are you Dave?”

“Erm, do you really want to know?”

“Yes stop pissing about this is important.”

“Well I’m sort of in the middle of the village.”

“What oh bloody hell, err, err oh shit, I don’t know what to do now.”

“What the hell is going on John? You told me to go this way”

“Yeah, yeah I know but that was before, before, oh god what am I going to do.”

“What’s wrong, have the ministry done a check or something, did you not get clearance from the police, don’t have a fit just tell me what the hell is going on, I’m going to start attracting a certain amount of attention from the villagers shortly.”

Dave could hear John breathing heavily.

“Dave what’s the chance of you turning around and going back to the main road?”

Dave shook his head and rolled his eyes, “You must be fucking joking, it’s just took me two hours to do four miles down that bloody hill, there is no-way I’m going back up there today.”

“You have to trust me; you must turn around now, just do as you’re told and turn around now.”

Dave almost spat into the mike, “And if I don’t, then what?”

“Then I will have to have you fired for disobeying a direct order.”

“Oh come on John you told me to come this way, there’s bloody ice all over the road, I wouldn’t get this rig up there, remember I’m still loaded.”

“You either turn around or I will tell them that you didn’t follow the set route and that you refused to obey my orders, they will fire you on the spot.”

“Are you threatening me John?”

“YEAH I SURPOSE I AM DAVE.”

“Listen I don’t know what sort of weird shit you have been smoking John, but it’s done something to your insides, because every time you speak shit comes out, just tell me what the fuck is going off?”

There was a few seconds pause before John answered.

“I can’t tell you anything you just need to turn around, that’s all I can tell you, please mate just turn around.”

“Have you got something stuffed in your ears, I told you I can’t turn around, I would never make it up the hill, do you really want to see what happens when twenty-five tons of waste plutonium crashes into a village pub.”

“Rather that than a whole city gets wasted,” whispered John.

“What was that?”

John stuttered, “Err nothing I just meant at least it’s a village and not a city, please just turn around.”

“Listen, I’ll tell you what I will do for you, I’m going to go and get a newspaper and a chocolate bar, god knows I need the energy after that bloody hill, when I come back you tell me what the hell is going on and I’ll see what I can do for you OK?”

“Dave no turn round mate, come on please.”

2 In the village

Dave climbed out of the cab, hearing Johns voice still shouting after him.

“DAVE PLEASE, JUST TURN AROUND, PLEASE MATE, PLEASE.”

Dave locked the door and headed across the road to the newsagents talking to him self, what the hell is going off today, I really need to get out of this job.

He walked into the newsagents, picked up a Daily Mail and a snickers bar and placed them on the counter.

The old man behind the counter looked like he had just seen a ghost.

“Good morning, lovely day for it, don’t you think,” Chirped Dave.

The old man frowned at Dave and sounded angry, “Is that your truck out there son?”

“Erm, well it’s not actually mine, but yes I’m driving it, why?

“What are you carrying?” The old man snapped back.

“Well at the moment a newspaper and a snickers bar why?”

“Don’t get smart with me son, what is in the truck?”

Dave stepped back and raised his hands, “OK, keep your hair on, I was only having a laugh, it’s just an empty container, I’m taking it to be scraped.”

The old man peered over Dave’s shoulder looking at the truck, “Oh so there’s noting in it then, no, well toxic stuff or radiation thingies?”

“Ha, ha ha, don’t be daft granddad; do you really think that I would bring that sort of stuff through your lovely little village?”

The old man looked at Dave like he was some sort of alien.

“Look can I just pay for my stuff and get on with my job please?”

“You have no right bringing that bloody great thing through here.”

“Well if you take my money off me, I can get it out of here quicker can’t I?” Replied Dave shaking his head.

“That’ll be eighty three pence please, and I will be ringing British Nuclear Fuels to complain about this, you can be sure of that son.”

Dave smiled politely, “OK no problem bye.”

“And don’t think that I won’t take legal action if all my daffodils die this year.”

Dave left the shop shaking his head, “What the hell is going off, the whole world has gone mad.”

As he crossed the road, he noticed a postman standing behind his truck, he seamed to be writing in a pad, oh god another bloody complaint, I told John this would happen,

“Can I help you mate?” Dave called to the postman.

The postman looked at Dave and frowned, “Yes you can actually, is this you’re truck?”

Dave thought of giving the same answer he had in the shop, but decided against it on the grounds that he might just make the day even worse,

“Yes mate why?”

“Well first of all what is it doing here, secondly what you got in it, and thirdly what’s the green stuff leaking out the back?”

Dave almost shat him self, “What where show me?” he shouted as he sprinted to the back of the truck.

The postman started laughing, “Ha, ha got you there mate, I was only joking about the last one.”

Dave looked at the postman and considered inserting his fist into his mouth, “Ho, ho everyone’s a bloody comedian today.”

The postman smiled then asked Dave the first two questions again.

Dave tried his best to smile back, “Well firstly it’s here because that’s where I parked it, when I went to the shop, and secondly it’s got a whole load of fresh air in it, because it’s empty, I’m taking the container to be scraped OK?”

The postman looked puzzled, “Oh right well I thought it must be loaded because of the way the trailer is leaning to the left.”

Dave looked at the trailer and back at the postman, “Oh yeah, it is, isn’t it.”

“So what’s in it then?” the postman asked again.

Dave knew that the trailer shouldn’t be leaning over like that, not since they were all changed to self-levelling air suspension a couple of years back.

“I don’t know mate, I’ll have to have a look wont I?”

Dave walked around to the nearside of the trailer and checked the tyres, “Oh shit I don’t fucking believe the way today is going.”

The postman came round to where Dave was standing, “What is it what’s the problem mate?”

“I’ve got a bloody puncture on the inside rear wheel.”

“Oh, what are you going to do about that then mate?”

Dave snapped back, “I’m going to crawl down there take a bloody big deep breath and blow the bloody thing back up.”

“Sorry I was only asking,” replied the postman backing away.

Dave sighed, “Yeah sorry pal, I’m just having a really bad day, well I best get on the radio and get someone out to fix it.”

“What you carry people in you’re radio do you?” Quipped the postman.

Dave smiled politely, “yeah thanks pal you just made me feel so much better.”

Dave walked back to the cab, and as he opened the cab door he heard John almost crying from the radio.

“Dave Please Answer Me, I Know You Can Hear Me, This Is Important Dave, Please, Please.”

Dave climbed in and shut the door before picking up the mike, “Hi John I’m back, but I don’t think your going to be happy.”

John let out a loud sigh of relief, “Oh thank god for that, listen just turn round and I’ll make it worth you while.”

“What the hell are you on about?”

“Look if you do as I’ve asked I’ll give you twenty thousand, OK?”

Dave rubbed his forehead and coughed, “Have you lost your marbles, you are going to give me twenty thousand quid if I turn this truck around and go back to the set route?”

John spoke slowly, “yeeesss.”

Dave hit the side of his head, as if trying to get something out of his ear, “Err bit of an odd question I know, but err, why?”

“I can’t tell you why, just do it, OK.”

Dave laughed and scratched his forehead, “I hate to refuse the offer of twenty grand, but we have a bit of a problem with your plan mate.”

“What! Why won’t you just do it?”

Dave found it hard not to laugh out loud, “Well apart from the fact I won’t make it up the hill, I have just discovered I have a puncture on the trailer.”

Dave sat waiting for John’s response, thirty seconds felt like half an hour, a whole minute passed and still no reply, now he was worrying, I don’t understand what is happening today at all, he thought about what John had been saying, it just doesn’t make any sense, why the hell would he offer me money, why do I have to turn around.

As he sat there in deep thought just staring at the radio, waiting for John’s reply, he noticed that a crowd was gathering behind the trailer.

I really don’t like this; I get the feeling I’m not going to have a job when I get back.

He picked the mike up and just managed to get the words, “are you there,” when there was a tap at his window.

Dave dropped the mike with shock, and turned to see PC plod looking up at him and beckoned him to open his window.

Dave knew his day had just got much worse; he couldn’t lie to the police about his load, he gestured to the policeman to give him a minute.

He untangled the mike lead from the steering wheel and spoke quietly, “John I hate to kick you while you’re down but, I have a police man wanting to speak to me, what do you want me to tell him pal?”

“DON’T TELL HIM ANYTHING, OK, I WILL SPEAK TO HIM,” John shouted, almost giving Dave his second heart attack of the day.

“That’s not the way to deal with this.”

“JUST DO IT OK?”

Dave shrugged his shoulders, “OK on you head be it.”

Dave opened his door and climbed out of the cab, trying his best to keep smiling as he greeted the policeman, “Morning Officer.”

The police man nodded, “Good morning sir, may I ask you what you are doing here?”

“Yes you may mate.”

The policeman rolled his eyes, “Oh yes very funny sir, what brings you to our lovely village?”

Now Dave really had to fight the urge to state the obvious, “Well I can’t actually tell you that officer, but if you would like to have a word with the transport supervisor, on the radio, he will tell you exactly what I am doing here OK?”

Dave ushered him up into the cab and pointed to the mike,

“With whom will I be speaking?”

“Oh his names John, he’s my transport supervisor at the power station.”

The policeman nodded and picked up the mike, “Hello police constable 6512 George Dickens here, requesting information about one of your trucks, over.”

Dave almost burst out laughing; it was like watching an episode of Z cars from his childhood again.

“John Wilson here, transport supervisor for British nuclear fuels Cumbria, is the driver there with you officer?”

The police man looked at Dave, “Yes, do you want me to put him on? Over.”

“No officer I need to speak to you alone.”

The policeman turned to Dave and told him to wait outside, as this was official business, Dave climbed down from the step where he was standing, feeling very bemused, he closed the door and walked to the front of the truck.

He wondered what the hell John was going to tell the police, he wasn’t even sure he wanted to know, but he got the distinct feeling he was going to get in some deep shit. As he paced around he noticed more and more of the villagers congregating at the back of the truck.

“Oh sod it,” he said out loud, and walked over to the newsagents, as he approached the door he noticed the old man scurrying away from the window and back behind the counter.

Dave marched in and straight up to the counter, “Give me a packet of twenty Benson & Hedges please granddad.”

“What do the police want, have you got in trouble now,” asked the old man sarcastically as he turned to pick up the packet of cigarettes of the shelf.

Dave huffed, “I don’t know what the police want, no I’m not in trouble, I have a bloody puncture, I’m two hours late and I could do without your sarcastic comments if you don’t mind.”

The old man hesitated, “So, so sorry sir, just being friendly and making conversation, that’ll be £4.45 please sir.”

“Here’s a fiver, keep the change, oh and give me a box of match’s too.”

“There you go sir, have a nice day.”

Dave made a vow as he left the shop to come back in his next life as a seagull and spend his life dropping shit on the whole village.

What the hell did I do wrong in the last life to deserve a day like to day?

Just then his mobile chirped, letting him know he had a message.

Hi Dave John here, whatever the policeman says to you just agree, I have sorted the problem, trust me, your mate John.

Dave looked across the road at his truck; PC Dickens was still sat there talking to John.

Dave opened the packet and put a cigarette in his mouth, took a match from the box and stopped.

What am I doing, I haven’t smoked for three and a half years. Dave stood there one foot on the road one on the pavement, arguing with his self on whether he should light the cigarette or not, I need it but do I want it, yes I want it but do I need it.

He felt like screaming out loud, when all of a sudden the decision was made for him.

The postman reappeared, and placed the flame of his Zippo under the end of the cigarette, “There you go mate, I bet you need that eh.”

“Oh right yeah thanks pal.”

Dave stood there, trying to decide whether he would fall down if he inhaled the evil weed after such a long time away from it.

He thought it was probably wise to cross the road before taking a drag, as he would rather fall on the pavement than the middle of the road.

Dave walked towards his truck and saw PC Dickens signalling to him to go away, so he went and sat on the pavement and took a long hard drag on the cigarette, within ten seconds he felt dizzy and sick.

“Oh Jesus did they always taste that bad.”

Slowly he started to feel a bit better, that’s the worst over with, just got to decide when to quit again now.

Just as he took a second drag Dave felt something prodding his shoulder, he turned to look, and saw a young boy probably about eleven or twelve.

“Is that ya truck? Have ya bin arrested? What ya got in it drugs or somat? Said the boy at break neck speed.

Dave tried to rewind the words and play them back in his head at a normal speed.

“Err yeah kid that’s my truck, and no I haven’t been arrested, oh and what I have in it is nothing to do with you OK?

The boy just stood there and pointed at the Policeman in his truck, “So what’s the copper doing in it eh, having his breakfast?”

Dave wondered at what point kids became so arrogant and pushy.

“Look kid the policeman is helping me out with a problem OK, nothing more nothing less, so why don’t you just run along before you end up late for school eh?”

The boy moved back and leant against the wall, “What sort of problem ya got, maybe I could help ya? And I don’t have to go school today cus my mums not well so there,” he said as he stuck out his tongue.

Dave took another long slow drag on his cigarette and tried not to shout, “Listen kid, there is nothing you can do to help me OK, I really appreciate you offering, but I don’t need it, but maybe you should go and see if your mum needs some help, how about going making her a nice cup of tea?”

The boy walked over to Dave and sat on the kerb next to him, Dave saw that he had tears in his eyes, so he put his hand on the kid’s shoulder and spoke gently, “Hey look kid I’m sorry for shouting at you, I’ve just been having a bad day, everyone’s been asking questions, no hard feelings eh?”

The boy looked at Dave and smiled, “I can’t go home until my mums finished paying the rent man; it usually takes about an hour.”

Dave tried not to smile as he patted the kids back, “Oh well it looks like neither of us are wanted just now don’t it kid?”

The boy started laughing, “Yeah but at least I’m not in trouble with the law.”

Dave laughed, “Yeah fair does mate, fair does, so what you want to do when you grow up then?”

The boy stood up and pretended to shoot a gun, “I want to be a hit man like my dad, because mum says my dad has hit more women than any professional hit man she’s ever heard of, so he must be good at it.”

Dave put his head in his hands, as he thought about his own kids, is this really what life is like for kids today, then the boy suddenly turns and runs off, “Got to go now, see ya bye.”

Dave waved and shook his head and muttered, “Poor kid” under his breath.

Dave finished his cigarette and very carefully got to his feet, his head felt like he had just got of a roller coaster. As he steadied his self against the front of his truck, the door opened and out climbed PC Dickens.

Dave waited at the front of the truck, still not sure if he will fall over.

PC Dickens gave Dave a stern look, “Well sir it seems you have had a bit of an adventure today haven’t you?”

“Err yeah it would seem so!”

“Well I hope you will be more careful in the future, and maybe you should consider checking with your bosses before making decisions for your self.”

Dave tried his best to look serious, “Well I suppose I should officer, I just seem to be having a bad day.”

“Well you need to keep your personal life personal, try not to bring it to work with you, yes?”

Dave made a mental note to smack John in the mouth when he gets back to the station

“Yeah I know I need to get it sorted out, maybe I should have a few days off?”

PC Dickens put his hand on Dave’s shoulder, “Yes that might be wise, and just between me and you, there’s no need to be ashamed, it’s more common than you might think.”

Dave was beginning to feel even more confused before, “Right well thank you for your kind words officer; I really must try and get this truck sorted out now.”

“No problem sir, take care and think positive, bye.”

Dave climbed back into his truck, shut the door and sat looking at the radio, did he really want to speak to John again, god knows what the hell he had told the copper, oh bloody hell, well I’m never going to get home today unless we get the tyre fixed.

He picked up the mike and took a deep breath, “Hello John how are we doing pal, what’s the word on getting the puncture fixed, and me getting home before my next shift starts.”

“Well that will depend on you.”

Dave took another couple of deep breaths, “Meaning what exactly?”

“Which way are you going if I get your tyre fixed?”

Dave thumped the steering wheel, “Oh for crying out loud John, I told you I can not I repeat can not go back up the hill, now you either tell me what the hell this is about or I’m going to call the emergency incident team and tell them where I am.”

“Ha, Ha, Oh dear I wouldn’t do that DAVE.”

Dave ground his teeth and almost spat the words, “Oh yeah and why the fuck not JOHN?”

“Well firstly they won’t believe you and even if they did, the log states that you disobeyed a direct order and went off the set route.”

Dave swore under his breath and punched the roof, “Oh bloody hell, you have really stitched me up big time haven’t ya pal?”

“Ha, hey look if I could tell you what is going off I would, just trust me on this please.”

“Trust you; you want me to TRUST you, when all you do is threaten me.”

“I’m not threatening you; I’m trying to help you.”

“Ha, bloody ha, what help me get out of this job?”

“Look I’m really sorry you feel that way, but we will all laugh about this after, you just have to believe me.”

“No you look, just give me five minutes while I have a think about this.”

“Ok Dave.”

Dave sat quietly trying to decide what to do; he was beginning to feel like a gold fish in a bowl, with the amount of people that were walking about staring at him,

Oh god Alan why didn’t I go with you, I would still be sleeping after the night before, there really is some times when being the reliable type is not good for your health, right well I have to make a decision, and I think it will be………………..oh for gods sake what should I do.

“Dave you there mate.”

Dave reluctantly picked the mike back up, “Yes John?”

“I need to know what you are going to do.”

Dave rubbed his face, scratched his head and pulled at his hair, “Ok right well I’m going to go, go, erm, I’m going to go, oh sod it, I’m going to go back up the hill, but you owe me big time.”

“Wow fantastic thanks Dave, I’ll get the tyre crew out to you, and they should be there in half an hour.”

Dave sighed heavily, “Oh good cause I’m getting too much attention here.”

“Just sit tight and give me a call when you set off.”

“Yeah OK will do, catch you later.”

Half an hour later the tyre crew arrived, Dave jumped out as they pulled up behind the trailer.

“You know I don’t think I have ever been more pleased to see anyone in my entire life.”

The driver walked up to Dave and shook his hand, “Yeah well that’s what we’re here for, to make everyone happy.”

The other lad shouted from the back of the pickup, “Which tyre is it mate?”

Dave had the sudden uncontrollable urge for humour again, “It’s the one that isn’t round at the bottom.”

The lad threw a jack off the back of the pickup, and laughed mockingly, “oh like I’ve never heard that before, you should be a bloody comedian!”

Dave blushed and pointed at the nearside rear tyre, “It’s that one mate sorry.”

One of the villagers came over to Dave with a cop of tea, “I thought you could probably do with this, just put the cup on the windowsill when you’re finished.”

“Cheers love,” replied Dave with a big smile, having just had his faith in humanity partially restored.

Forty-eight minutes later, and the tyre was changed, the crew packed up their gear.

Dave thanked them as he signed the paperwork.

Not bad it’s only nine fifteen, at least the sun had come out and melted the ice, well I better give John a call, let him know I’m setting off,

“Are you there John?”

“Yes my friend, are you ready to get going?”

“Yeah sure am, I bet I sleep well tonight with the thought of all this overtime.”

“I hope so mate, give me a shout when you get back to the main road, OK?”

“Yeah will do speak to you soon bye.”

Dave pressed the starter and almost started giggling when he heard four hundred and twenty of Cummins finest horses roar into life under him, come on old girl we have some serious hill climbing to do.

As Dave pulled away he saw that just about every member of the village was watching, so as he swung his truck round in the square he sounded the air horns and waved, like he was part of a parade.

Well I don’t think I’ll be coming through here again in a hurry he laughed to him self.

Dave lowered his window and shouted at the top of his voice, “OF ALL THE VILLAGES IN ALL THE COUNTIES WHY THE HELL DID I HAVE TO COME TO YOURS, BYEEEE.”

He made good time back up the hill, as he reached the top he began to feel better, maybe it wont be such a bad day after all.

Dave grabbed the mike again, “Unit 34 here, come in John.”

“Hi Unit 34, nice to here your voice again mate, you on the main road yet?”

Dave sighed with relief, “Yeah just turned onto it now mate.”

“Right you are, well you have a clear run all the way to the discharge plant, traffic is light and it’s currently seven degrees Celsius, have a safe trip and give me a call when you’re off loaded.”

“OK no worries speak to you soon.”

Dave put some music on and took a cigarette out of the packet, put it in his mouth then Spat it out and threw it out the window.

“What the hell am I doing?”

I don’t need bloody them now that all the stress is over with for the day, just clean fresh radioactive air that’s what my body needs.