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Short story
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Rank
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Cumulative Earnings
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Rank
30

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0
Rank
25

Number of Patrons Cumulative
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Rank
30

Match Bouts Leading
4
Match Bouts Tied
1
Match Bouts Trailing
13
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Rank
20

Cumulative Earnings
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Rank
28

The Perfect Man

by JC 

 

Julianna had always known she’d meet the perfect man.

Smart and funny, with an effervescent personality that put everyone around her at ease, she acquired a wide variety of admirers and friends wherever she went. But while suitors had always lined up at her door, she remained very selective in her dating choices. She just knew, somewhere out there, HE was waiting for her. Sure, she dated plenty of guys, but sex never entered the equation. She always figured she would wait until Mr. Right came along to give her virginity away.

That all seemed about to change when, three months into her freshman year of college, she met Kellan Hunter.

Tall and muscular with movie star good looks, Kellan was captain of the basketball team, student council president, and all-around BMOC at Vandyke University. Everywhere he went, a crowd formed, wanting a piece of whatever he was selling. For Julianna, it was lust at first sight.

She knew right away he was out of her league, but that didn’t stop her from drooling over him every chance she got: stealing furtive glances across the cafeteria, from her seat in the pew at Sunday mass, through the bookshelves at the library. She wanted him to notice her, without knowing he had noticed her.

Aside from every facet of his facial features - which she could identify blindfolded -she knew very little about him. Apart from what she’d read in the campus newspaper, which seemed to feature him on its pages daily, his off-campus life remained a mystery to her. As far as she was concerned, however, it didn’t matter; she knew all she needed to know. He had the ability to turn her knees completely gelatinous with one glance; what else was important?

She convinced herself she was adept at hiding her attraction, as young girls often do. She thought maybe he hadn’t noticed all those times she went walking outside of his dormitory, or when she chose a lunch table just a few feet away, but he had.

Awash with desire, she closed her eyes and threw her head back, responding to his soft kisses and caresses with moans and sighs of satisfaction. His touch made the miniscule hairs on the back of her neck stand on end, his tongue tracing circles around her nipples made her bite her lip so hard, a trace of blood deposited on her bottom lip. Kellan kissed it and smiled.

“I made you bleed…” he winked, “that is such a turn-on.”

Julianna looked at him curiously. “What?”

With unexpected force, Kellan’s fingers enclosed her throat, crushing her windpipe like an empty beer can. Julianna’s eyes widened with terror; her heart beat wildly in her chest. The skin on her neck began turning a deep red; her veins protruded as if pulled taut by unseen strings. She tried to breathe but could manage only gasps, bursting forth in an eerie staccato. In her growing dizziness she could feel the life leaving her, seeping out with every contraction of his fingers.

“Shh,” he whispered. “Don’t fight it.”

Julianna struggled, trying to scream, but could make no sound. A sickening mixture of blood, saliva and bile began curdling in her throat, drowning her every attempt at breath. Convulsing, she reached out her right hand and grasped for something, anything to hit him with, but there was nothing. The sun and sky dissolved into a murky gray haze above her. The clouds morphed into a shapeless mass as her eyes lost their focus. The sounds of birds chirping in the trees grew increasingly distant, as if receding away from her through a hidden passageway. Then … unending blackness.

Dragging Julianna’s limp body behind a nearby thicket of bushes, Kellan arranged her body into fetal position. He scattered pile after pile of leaves atop her, until all that remained was a mound of foliage that looked like part of the landscape. When he was done, Kellan lit up a cigarette, and took a long drag.

Turning to depart, he paused momentarily, flicked the cigarette onto the pile of leaves and sneered, “Thanks for a great time, babe.”


Match Bout Record

Match records for this tale are organized in order from greatest margin of victory to greatest margin of defeat.

MatchesResultsStatus
The Perfect Man  vs  It's Not Bex1 - 0Leading
The Perfect Man  vs  The Drummer Yusipov1 - 0Leading
The Perfect Man  vs  Village Waste1 - 0Leading
The Perfect Man  vs  Playing God1 - 0Leading
Comments (1):
Playing God is a perfect example of how a technically well written story can go off the rails. Despite its very brief length, it is a difficult piece to get through. One of the problems seems to be that two of the three main characters are "you" and "he", and the third is a green fairy. Overall, the story is somewhat overly indulgent, the whole point being to get you to the "a-ha!" moment at the conclusion, but the effect is spoiled by the less than compelling proceedings beforehand. The Perfect Man is also highly flawed, but its rather direct, flat narrative thrust comes off better when compared with this impenetrable piece.
@ Aug 27, 2010, 1:52 PM
The Perfect Man  vs  Basant1 - 1Tied
The Perfect Man  vs  What I Love Most0 - 1Trailing
The Perfect Man  vs  City of Elite0 - 1Trailing
The Perfect Man  vs  Soliloquy0 - 1Trailing
The Perfect Man  vs  PB Chapter One - Mitsuki Makoto0 - 1Trailing
Comments (1):
PB Chapter One reads like an episode of Beverly Hills 90210, though set in Japan, with fleeting episodes of surrealistic violence. The Perfect Man reads like a Creative Writing Class entry written by a preppy convict sitting in his cell, embittered over getting caught for offing the co-ed he picked up at a college bar ten years previously. Or...it quite possibly reads like a tale written by the seemingly sensitive, albeit sex-starved, dude who seems a bit frustrated as to why his platonic female friend - the one he's been nursing a crush on - always comes sobbing to him over the jerks that continually break her heart? Well, what did she expect?? Sometimes, you just have to pick the safe ones, like Mitsuki Makoto.
@ Aug 19, 2010, 5:14 AM
The Perfect Man  vs  Goblin's Honor0 - 1Trailing
Comments (1):
The Perfect Man comes off as less a story than as a misogynist's fable for credulous young females, written with the moral of "Aha! Told ya so!" Not much more can be said. As for Goblin's Honor, you have two folks with a longbow, hiding off in the bushes, watching hundreds of Goblins frolicking at a "magickal" gathering, summoning a demon, as our two heroes contemplate rescuing humanity with a well-aimed shot at a Goblin ass or two, or by strategically shoving a Goblin into a pit. To get things straight, you have what amounts to reading the instructions of a Dungeons and Dragons manual. And by the time you're through it, getting al the rules straight, it turns out the darned Goblins have solved the problem by fighting amongst ourselves...or so one of our protagonists tells us as she recites her version of her D
@ Aug 17, 2010, 5:00 PM
The Perfect Man  vs  Skin for Skin0 - 1Trailing
The Perfect Man  vs  Forgiven0 - 1Trailing
The Perfect Man  vs  The modern suburban tribe and their way of life: Khoisan Vagrants0 - 1Trailing
The Perfect Man  vs  The Hand of God0 - 1Trailing
The Perfect Man  vs  Surviving The Storm0 - 1Trailing
Comments (1):
Solely for its innocense, I'll pick Surviving The Storm. The Perfect Man is a perfect drag.
@ Nov 2, 2010, 8:28 PM
The Perfect Man  vs  Autistic Freedom0 - 1Trailing
The Perfect Man  vs  Shhh! Don't You Know?0 - 1Trailing
The Perfect Man  vs  18830 - 1Trailing

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